More Like a LiveJournal Post

So today i bought a Diana+ camera. Though i really shouldn't have due to my current lack of funds. Whatevs man, whatevs.








For those who don't know this is a "crappy" camera made completely out of plastic. Known mostly for it's grainy images, sometimes blurry, and over saturated colors. To the average person just trying to capture a Kodak moment it's not worth much. However, to a more creative mind this camera can take an ordinary anything and with it's natural tweaking, make your subject much more artsy and unique. My two favorite things.


So there's not much more to this post really. Just felt like bragging about my super awesome new purchase. Hopefully i will soon be using my own products of the Diana+ camera to spice up my blogs.






If i ever magically find time to do both. I'm ucky when i have a minute of spare thought for these.


Too bad i never have anything much useful to say...

Where did you go?

Where did you go
Why did you leave
what is there out there that's better than me?

I gave you my love
Showed you my soul
Shed every ter that was inside of me

And you
Said i was special
And you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on
When i know that you're not here

We talked every night
You'd hold me so tight
We shared everything that we wanted to be

I know you were mine
And you knew i was yours
But still i can't see you when i look around

And you
Said i was special
and you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on
When i know that you're not here

You're gone, to where i don't know
And i can't seem to think straight
I'm sure i'll see you again
But it's the time in between
that's killing me

And you
Said i was special
And you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on when i know that you're not here




This is yet another song i wrote for my mother. The first verse came to me as astring of inspiration about a year ago. In church of all places actually. I never paid attention, so by letting my mind wander i got a lot of thoughts like these. It wasn't until a few days ago that i actually did anything with it. Right now it sounds like just another silly pop song. This is only the first draft so changes WILL be made.
I was actually saving this for Sunday. June 29th is the 8 year anniversary of my mother's death and i was going to post this for her then, but instead i'm going to post something for her daily until then. When i write my mini novel of how amazing she was.
And still is.
In my heart and my memories.

Missed The Boat

Lately i've been on such a Modest Mouse kick. I've always loved them, but recently i've found more comfort than usual in the lyrics. For instance, a popular one most people know:
"Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last"

This may as well be my motto right now. The only way i really get thorugh my days anymore is by dreaming of life back in Chattanooga and how much fun i'm going to have. Thinking of seeing all my friends again is how i make it through World Politics, and planning parties and other outings is how i survive math. Then again, the only way i can "plan" the future is by looking to the past and seeing how good i had it.

Yesterday is where it's at. Figuratively speaking of course. I always look to the past and wish that it was once again the present. I miss the good times. And yet, they seem so fleeting. I know that these are "the good 'ole days" as my Grandpa would say, but it's hard to really realize it when i'm so unhappy. Like i said, I notice the good times when they happen, but they "never seem to last."

Please just last...


"We know everything was built to expire so I guess we've done everything"

One of the more hopeless lines they've written, but once again, i relate. Some times i just feel that everything is going to end one day so why bother? Then, being ever the optimist as i am, i quickly remember that the point of life is life itself. And yes, we're all going to die, buildings will crumble, and relationships will fade away, but their existence in the meantime is the point.
I am speaking somewhat specifically of relationships of course. I question my self constantly, why get involved with someone who will only be around for a little while, just untill they run away or move far away. It seems like the imminent heartache isn't worth the fun "meantime." Plus the longer it lasts the worse it will be in the end.

And my newest response to that? Well, this is really going back to my old motto for life, but:
FUCK IT!

"Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans."
Does it ever really matter which you choose the hear first? The good news or the bad news. Regardless you're hearing both. You had to have bad to fully appriciate the good. Often times i let myself get hung up on the the little smudges on life's big picture to really appriciate everything else. Not anymore. Life is more of a roller coaster than anything. Ups and downs, but you get to choose which one you ride.
Give me the crazy one that goes all over the place and even through dark tunnels so i have no idea what's next. Oh, and make it a little dangerous please.

There's probably a few lines from every Modest Mouse song i could use and relate to my life. Even "Dance Hall." I really am going to "dance all dance hall" and i'm going to do it "everyday."
Maybe that doesn't make sense, but i get it. That's what matter's right?

And with one last song i bid you all adieu.



"As life gets longer,
awful feels softer.
Well it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully."

The Riga Girls

They finally got so fed up that they both packed up their most important things, grabbed their guitars, and hopped on a bus to New Mexico. Each state line they crossed was like entering a new layer into their new existence. First they shed their old names and adopted new ones. Next, MaryJane and Lyla erased their real pasts and created a more glamorous and easy history.

Through all of the planning, rest stops, and fast food it never felt real enough for them. They could introduce themselves all they wanted, but it almost felt as though everyone could see through their new identities. They began to feel silly the closer they got to their destination; beleiving that no matter how much they wanted a fresh start they would never really find one.

The bus stopped for the last time for MaryJane and Lyla and pulled away leaving them alone at the bus station in the small town. It was a short walk to their new home, but they took slow steps. Still not sure if they could actually find the peace and escape they craved here or not. Maybe they could out run their past for a little while, but surely not forever. Somehow someone would find out that MaryJane wasn't really from a more than priveleged family and that Lyla wasn't really a mystery in the world. Eventually someone from their past would find them, or at least find some way to affect them. Dragging them back into the lives that was forced upon them.

They spent the days working outside either farming, landscaping, or other odd jobs. Nothing with any real commitment and anything to keep them outside ins the wamr sun and moving. They had thrown away their cell phones after the third state line and their only electronic possesions now were a small amp for MaryJane's bass and an ipod.

At night their front porch was filled with music. After dinner they would spend their evenings in rocking chairs or laying across the wodden porch writing songs about their real lives hoping no one would ever figure them out. Of course there were nights they spent on the town, but every night was jsut one night. They never wanted anyhting forever still afraid they would have to leave sometime soon.

So here they are now living in a behind the times house in a small new mexico town. Enjoying themselves every day living free from the burdens of their past. Every day it gets a little bit easier to let go of the fear, but it has an ever present dwelling in the back of their minds. For now they are free and neither girl has ever been so happy.

"Riga girls like to kiss
Make me wish I was someone else
Oh, Riga girls are you sad?
Oh, I wish I had someone"
- The Weepies