Where did you go
Why did you leave
what is there out there that's better than me?
I gave you my love
Showed you my soul
Shed every ter that was inside of me
And you
Said i was special
And you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on
When i know that you're not here
We talked every night
You'd hold me so tight
We shared everything that we wanted to be
I know you were mine
And you knew i was yours
But still i can't see you when i look around
And you
Said i was special
and you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on
When i know that you're not here
You're gone, to where i don't know
And i can't seem to think straight
I'm sure i'll see you again
But it's the time in between
that's killing me
And you
Said i was special
And you promised to always be near
But how
How can i go on when i know that you're not here
This is yet another song i wrote for my mother. The first verse came to me as astring of inspiration about a year ago. In church of all places actually. I never paid attention, so by letting my mind wander i got a lot of thoughts like these. It wasn't until a few days ago that i actually did anything with it. Right now it sounds like just another silly pop song. This is only the first draft so changes WILL be made.
I was actually saving this for Sunday. June 29th is the 8 year anniversary of my mother's death and i was going to post this for her then, but instead i'm going to post something for her daily until then. When i write my mini novel of how amazing she was.
And still is.
In my heart and my memories.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Missed The Boat
Lately i've been on such a Modest Mouse kick. I've always loved them, but recently i've found more comfort than usual in the lyrics. For instance, a popular one most people know:
"Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last"
This may as well be my motto right now. The only way i really get thorugh my days anymore is by dreaming of life back in Chattanooga and how much fun i'm going to have. Thinking of seeing all my friends again is how i make it through World Politics, and planning parties and other outings is how i survive math. Then again, the only way i can "plan" the future is by looking to the past and seeing how good i had it.
Yesterday is where it's at. Figuratively speaking of course. I always look to the past and wish that it was once again the present. I miss the good times. And yet, they seem so fleeting. I know that these are "the good 'ole days" as my Grandpa would say, but it's hard to really realize it when i'm so unhappy. Like i said, I notice the good times when they happen, but they "never seem to last."
Please just last...
"We know everything was built to expire so I guess we've done everything"
One of the more hopeless lines they've written, but once again, i relate. Some times i just feel that everything is going to end one day so why bother? Then, being ever the optimist as i am, i quickly remember that the point of life is life itself. And yes, we're all going to die, buildings will crumble, and relationships will fade away, but their existence in the meantime is the point.
I am speaking somewhat specifically of relationships of course. I question my self constantly, why get involved with someone who will only be around for a little while, just untill they run away or move far away. It seems like the imminent heartache isn't worth the fun "meantime." Plus the longer it lasts the worse it will be in the end.
And my newest response to that? Well, this is really going back to my old motto for life, but:
FUCK IT!
"Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans."
Does it ever really matter which you choose the hear first? The good news or the bad news. Regardless you're hearing both. You had to have bad to fully appriciate the good. Often times i let myself get hung up on the the little smudges on life's big picture to really appriciate everything else. Not anymore. Life is more of a roller coaster than anything. Ups and downs, but you get to choose which one you ride.
Give me the crazy one that goes all over the place and even through dark tunnels so i have no idea what's next. Oh, and make it a little dangerous please.
There's probably a few lines from every Modest Mouse song i could use and relate to my life. Even "Dance Hall." I really am going to "dance all dance hall" and i'm going to do it "everyday."
Maybe that doesn't make sense, but i get it. That's what matter's right?
And with one last song i bid you all adieu.
"As life gets longer,
awful feels softer.
Well it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully."
"Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last"
This may as well be my motto right now. The only way i really get thorugh my days anymore is by dreaming of life back in Chattanooga and how much fun i'm going to have. Thinking of seeing all my friends again is how i make it through World Politics, and planning parties and other outings is how i survive math. Then again, the only way i can "plan" the future is by looking to the past and seeing how good i had it.
Yesterday is where it's at. Figuratively speaking of course. I always look to the past and wish that it was once again the present. I miss the good times. And yet, they seem so fleeting. I know that these are "the good 'ole days" as my Grandpa would say, but it's hard to really realize it when i'm so unhappy. Like i said, I notice the good times when they happen, but they "never seem to last."
Please just last...
"We know everything was built to expire so I guess we've done everything"
One of the more hopeless lines they've written, but once again, i relate. Some times i just feel that everything is going to end one day so why bother? Then, being ever the optimist as i am, i quickly remember that the point of life is life itself. And yes, we're all going to die, buildings will crumble, and relationships will fade away, but their existence in the meantime is the point.
I am speaking somewhat specifically of relationships of course. I question my self constantly, why get involved with someone who will only be around for a little while, just untill they run away or move far away. It seems like the imminent heartache isn't worth the fun "meantime." Plus the longer it lasts the worse it will be in the end.
And my newest response to that? Well, this is really going back to my old motto for life, but:
FUCK IT!
"Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans."
Does it ever really matter which you choose the hear first? The good news or the bad news. Regardless you're hearing both. You had to have bad to fully appriciate the good. Often times i let myself get hung up on the the little smudges on life's big picture to really appriciate everything else. Not anymore. Life is more of a roller coaster than anything. Ups and downs, but you get to choose which one you ride.
Give me the crazy one that goes all over the place and even through dark tunnels so i have no idea what's next. Oh, and make it a little dangerous please.
There's probably a few lines from every Modest Mouse song i could use and relate to my life. Even "Dance Hall." I really am going to "dance all dance hall" and i'm going to do it "everyday."
Maybe that doesn't make sense, but i get it. That's what matter's right?
And with one last song i bid you all adieu.
"As life gets longer,
awful feels softer.
Well it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully."
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