Do you believe in signs? Does the universe try to send you messages to guide you in the right direction? Or is it all merely coincidences that we notice simply because we want to notice them? I ask this because lately I have been seeing all sorts of things that could be interpreted as signs, or just me looking harder for them. As every day goes by i just get more and more homesick. I don't know if i'm missing my home, or literally sick of being home. I guess knowing the answer to that would require knowing where "home" really is.
For years, even before my mom died, i would cry myself to sleep at night saying over and over again, "I want to go home." This always confused my parents because, to them, I was home. For the most part I would consider myself a happy child, but I had my dark times too. I always defined home as wherever you were happiest and surrounded by people who love you. That explanation worked for a while, but now it's causing more problems and a little bit of stress. I can be truly happy and completely at peace in both Tennessee and New Orleans. And in both places I have great friends and family, who i know love me. Now the problem is, do I have two homes?
I always want to bring my New Orleans friends to Tennessee with me, and the same with Tennessee friends. I feel like there's always a big part of me that you don't get to see because it's still living in the other place.
On a daily basis now I see at least 2 cars from Tennessee. Or i'll see something that will bring me back to some place in my mind in Tennessee. This morning I woke up from a dream and had the worst feeling of disappointment when I realized I wasn't flying to Tennessee in a few hours. Is this the universe telling me to go back? Or is my brain just creating all these things to make me miss it even more? If I left tomorrow and moved to Tennessee, it would only be another six months till I was wishing I was here again.
If I went be my life would be a series of U turns. I think I'll turn right next. See where that road leads me.
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